I Have A Crush ...

... on a dying man.

Randy Pausch was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September, 2006. After surgery, chemo and radiation, he found out that his cancer had returned in August 2007. He's posted full details of his story on his website.

I've never met Randy in person, but I've spent a few hours in his company. On September 18, Randy gave a lecture at Carnegie-Mellon as part of their Journeys Lecture Series. On November 28, Randy gave another lecture -- this time at the University of Virginia School of Engineering. I've watched both videos a couple of times and have been amazed by Professor Pausch's intelligence, his courage, his humor, and his grace. I'm not sure that I would face the same circumstance in the same way he is. I think I'd be more whiny.

His first lecture is about dreams -- how he accomplished his childhood dreams and how he's helped other people accomplish theirs. It's inspiring, funny and interesting. The second lecture is on Time Management. Borrowed heavily from The One Minute Manager and Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, this lecture is full of practical advice for managing your time more effectively. Randy jokes at the beginning of the lecture that he has the right to talk about time management, since he has so little time left to manage.

Watch the videos and be inspired (and touched) yourself.

(Thanks so much to Jillian for turning me on to Randy's story.)

Happy Holiday!

Just a brief post to wish you all a happy holiday, however you celebrate it. May you be surrounded by loved ones and get lots of neat prezzies!

Jil Jensen Winters

The world is a less beautiful place now.

On 07 December, 2007, Jil Jensen Winters made her transition. You'll notice in her obituary that she was a psychotherapist; she was mine. She stood with me, as a magnificent witness to the unfolding of my personal story. She just sat with me in my grief, not offering words of comfort, when there was no comfort to be had. She just sat there; she was present, sometimes the greatest comfort a person can offer. Jil laughed with me whenever there was a reason, but she never laughed at me. She celebrated with me, and often for me, when I couldn't find cause -- or more likely, the emotional energy -- to celebrate myself. We were together for over three years and had a deep affection for one another. We occasionally talked about the unusual therapeutic dynamic between us; had we met under any other circumstances, we would have been the closest of friends. We talked about how unfair it was, for both of us, that she got to know me, deeply, and I didn't really get to know her.

But I realize now that I did know her. I may not have known that her middle name was Maree, or that she, too, had lost a brother, but I knew who she was. I knew that she was a woman of deep faith and a woman who loved -- who cherished, who treasured -- her family. I was surprised to read that her oldest children were her step-children; she never referred to them as such. To her, they were nothing less than her son -- her soldier -- and her daughter. I knew that she loved her husband, deeply. In fact, I hoped to sustain my excitement about my husband as well as she had sustained hers. Once, I asked her how long she'd be married and she replied, "It doesn't matter." I took that to mean that it didn't matter how long they'd been married, but how well they'd been married.

I've experienced those eyes, locking on mine. She didn't stare, she observed. She made eye contact. Sometimes, she would just look at me, really look at me, no words. It wasn't awkward; it was actually very comforting. I was being taken in. And the hugs! Oh! Those hugs! They weren't just cursory pats on the back. She was really present, as I always knew her to be.

The last few times we met, we talked about my involvement in the 37days project. That led to conversation about the concept behind the 37days website. In a nutshell: What would you be doing if you had 37 days to live? Of course, I did most of the talking; Jil did most of the listening. We agreed that our lives should be lived with intention and deliberation, that they should be lived "on purpose". Jil celebrated with me, as I had an art moment that was the kind of profound experience I had always hoped that art would be for me. She counted my blessings with me. She helped me find my joy. I saw that, should I be living in my 37 days, I was happy. Ironically, she was living in hers.

I am so proud to have known, to have loved, this magnificent woman, and to have been known and loved by her. She was passionate about her work and she loved her patients. She said we taught her so much. I feel humbled by that, as I have learned so much from her. Although I don't feel particularly strong right now, I am stronger for having worked with her. I know more about my illness, about its dynamics. I'm not so afraid of someday being hospitalized (though, of course, I hope it never comes to that); Jil's told me so many stories of working in the hospital, that it's not a scary place anymore. She's done so much to make me more comfortable with my illness, without becoming a label. For that, and so much more, I'm grateful.

Yes, the world is a less beautiful place right now, without Jil ... although she wouldn't want me to see it that way.

Something to be Thankful For

I've gotten my days and my nights mixed up again -- something I do frequently. To keep myself busy last night, I made gratitude journals. They came together very quickly, and were fun to make. I made two; one for me and one for a friend. Tonight, I'm working on two more. Hopefully, I'll be sleeping some tonight, though!

Images Are Back!

I think my image problem has been solved. I had to re-upload (is that even a word?) all of my images to the blogger servers. That meant deleting the old code and then uploading each image again, one by one. Some of my earlier posts were quite image intensive, so it got rather tiring. If you run across a post where the images don't work, please leave a comment and let me know, so I can fix it. Thank you.

Panera Bread

Just got home from dinner and a little grocery shopping. John and I ate dinner at the new Panera Bread in Redlands over by Albertson's. I had the Orchard Harvest Salad - half portion with a bowl of French Onion Soup. John had an Italian Combo Sandwich. We both had the rather pedestrian soft drink to go with our meals. The food was yummy and the decor was nice, although some of the art was a bit silly. It all had a bread theme. There was a Stonehenge made of bread painting, and a baker juggling several pieces of bread while riding a unicycle. Like I said, some of it was silly. We were both full, so neither of us had dessert, but we did stop and look at the bakery when we were done eating. The Caramel Pecan Brownie looked pretty tempting, as did the Very Chocolate Brownie. The small breakfast menu and bagel selection sounds good, too.

Disappearing Pictures!

I know my images have disappeared. I'm migrating my blog from godaddy to blogger and having some issues. Please bare with me until I get things straightened out. Thanks!

Great Site For Collage Artists And Altered Art Fiends!

Lisa hosts a "countdown" during most of the major holidays, offering a different downloadable image each day of a holiday season. Christmas is no different! Drop by the Christmas Countdown page and see what goodies she has to offer. But hurry, because these images won't last long.

All Finished!

That's my final Challenge Card illustration, for this essay. This was a particularly difficult one, but everyone seems to like it. It's very simple, and I like that. The essay is about existing in those liminal spaces that we occasionally find ourselves in -- We've let go of one thing, but have not yet embraced a new thing. It is in those oddly uncomfortable spaces that true change can take place.

Digh, in her essay, uses the visual of the trapeze artist and of the childhood gym toy, the monkey bars (hence, the title) to talk about that place between letting go of one thing and grabbing hold of something else. I looked for images of both/either to use in my Challenge Card, and didn't see anything that really moved me that I could get permission to use (back to that nasty permissions issue). And even with an image, I couldn't think of a concept. My husband, John, mentioned that the visual he got after reading the essay was of a person standing alone (thank you, John). That really worked for me, as a concept, because we usually travel through those liminal spaces by ourselves. And what better way to represent a threshold than with a doorway? A doorway is, after all, a threshold into a new place.

It drives me crazy that the doorway is somewhat askew. I swear on the original, it's not that noticeable. Well, it is now, but it wasn't before! LOL!

This is not the image that I originally had in mind for the focal point of the illustration but iStock didn't come through for me. In fact, I didn't hear anything from them after our email exchange in which they asked about contest rules. I just decided that it wasn't worth it to keep hounding them. Instead, I went looking for a suitable replacement image. This one works for me.

Many, many thanks to Jon Johnson for the use of his image. It was used under a Creative Commons License, so my final work is also licensed under the same license. I'd also like to thank meatcats22, Miss Twiga, and Felix63 for giving me permission to use their photos. I ultimately decided not to use them, but I appreciate their kindness and consideration. Many thanks go to Jer from Flickr who taught me an easy way to search for images that can be used commercially. Her techniques helped me find the photo that I did use as my focal point.

By the way, there is a Flickr group set up for sharing scans/pictures of the Challenge Cards as they are created. Considering how many entries there probably are, there aren't very many being shared, but there is some really great work. There are a couple of other Challenge Cards on various artists' blogs. Be sure to check out the featured artwork on Patti's site, done by 11-year old Callie. It's great!

Let go of the monkey bar

No photo to share with you yet. I'm emailing with Client Relations at iStock.com, hoping to get permission to use a wonderful photograph they have there. We've had quite an exchange which culminated in my sending Biliana links to all the posts in Patti's blog where she talks about the contest. I've even sent a mock-up of my illustration. I'm jumping through all their hoops, and hoping for the best. Biliana is super-nice and is really working with me, rather than just dismissing me. She seems to want to help me. I'm really impressed by their attitude at iStock.

Special thanks to Sandy Davies, an art friend. Tuesday afternoon, I bundled up all my mock-ups and took them to her office. We spent a fair amount of time, going over each one, talking about what worked and what it needed and why I did what I did. It was an excellent exercise for me. Sandy is an artist herself and a great teacher. In situations like this, she doesn't just lecture, but tells why she thinks what she thinks. So, in addition to getting another pair of artistic eyes to look at my illustrations, I got a mini art lesson! I also got some great advice, which made my pieces better. Thanks Sandy!

Go see the tiny Ninjas

This is one of my favorites, mostly because of the way it came together. I had read the essay several times and couldn't get beyond the visual of the tiny Ninja figures. I wasn't seeing what the essay was really about. It wasn't until I was emailing a friend (I know you've already read about this, but bear with me. I love this story) for advice, and I distilled the essay into a few sentences that the door opened for inspiration. I said to Tammy, "This essay is a bitch. It's about seizing the moment, showing up for life. It seems to be about tiny Ninja theater doing MacBeth at the Kennedy Center, but it's really about putting one foot in front of the other, and being present for your own life. A couple of quotes from the essay: 'And for a bright shining moment, this little tribe of Ninjas made all the world a stage.' 'Get yourself to your life.' 'Rise above the aches and pains, the nausea, exhaustion, general malaise. The show won't run forever.' I'm really loving the essay -- I love this woman's writing style; it's very conversational -- but I have absolutely no inspiration. Wish you were here to brainstorm with."

Well, it wasn't long after I sent that email that it hit me -- putting one foot in front of the other! What a visual! So off I went to Google Image Search and a few pages later, I run across this photo. The file name is walking-to-treatment.jpg. That really struck me. When I looked at the blog that the photo is from, I realized that the woman in the picture is fighting breast cancer. Not only is that poignant, but it makes the photograph perfect! Talk about putting one foot in front of the other! Going through the grind of fighting cancer. I commented on Marilyn Kass' blog entry that included the picture of the feet; she emailed me right back and quickly gave her permission for me to use this exquisite photo.

After I finalized the use of Marilyn's photo of her feet, the rest of the layout just fell into place. Oh, by the way, the Chinese character in the middle of the collage is Energy. I thought that was appropriate, given that it really does take energy to put one foot in front of the other and to show up for your own life. Asian stencils were designed by Keith Bishop for Plaid Enterprises, Inc.

I'd also like to thank Shari L. Ireton at the University of Washington School of Law for allowing me to use this photo, even though my Muse and I ultimately went in a different direction. I really appreciate her cooperation.

Consider the flea

Here is the illustration for Consider the flea. Image is used by permission of Jillian. I was determined to use this image somewhere, somehow. I just love it. The men were really the inspiration, thinking of how I could manipulate the photo to illustrate the essay. Since the essay talks about 17th-century Dutch microscopist Antoni Van Leeuwenhoek, I was inspired to go with a magnification theme.

Celebrate every orange flag

Here is the first of my four essay illustrations. It was done in mixed media collage -- though mostly cut and paste. The little girl is from Digital Collage Sheets. The birthday candle is from Kathleen Peirce at Peirce Clipart.

The work is meant to illustrate this essay. Go read it. It will make you smile and buy birthday candles.

Speaking of which, I'd like to thank babybluebbw for her permission to use this picture. I decided on a different photo, but I appreciate her cooperation, none-the-less.

Inspiration Comes From Funny Places

Well, I've come up with the idea for my fourth illustration, so all is right with the world. I'm still waiting for a few permissions to come back for the third illustration, but I'm working away as though they will. It's my intention that this project will go smoothly. I have looked for back-up images where needed, but I'm counting on not having to use them. I have found some awesome images, though. There are some really talented photographers out there.

I mentioned that I found my fourth idea. It came while I was kvetching with a friend, via email, about the last essay and how I wasn't coming up with any ideas for it! Since I didn't know if she had read it or not, I told her that on the surface it seems to be about tiny Ninja figures and MacBeth, but in reality, the essay is about showing up for life. It's about putting one foot in front of the other, and getting on with the business of living. Gee, does that bring a visual to mind for you? Well, it did for me! And I found the most amazing photograph! What makes it the perfect photograph is that the woman is on her way to get treatment for breast cancer, I believe (to be honest, I've only taken time to scan her blog, but I'll be reading it in depth once this project is over). Talk about putting one foot in front of the other! Talk about showing up for life! I wish there was some way to tell the publisher the provenance of this image, so she would understand how well it illustrates the theme of the essay.

I quickly commented on the photograph and held my breath -- and I had an affirmative response almost before I closed the page! It was a great feeling. From there, the page just fell together.

Am I teasing you, by talking about the mock-ups and not showing them to you? I would but my camera takes truly hideous photographs as the flash doesn't work reliably. Or rather, it most reliably doesn't work! LOL! And you've heard the I-don't-have-a-scanner woes. Tomorrow I am going to be near a scanner. Maybe I can scan the mock-ups then. The problem with that (I know: Excuses, excuses!) is that the elements aren't glued or taped down, so that I can more easily move them around and try different layouts. Hard to scan something when the pieces are floating around!

You can bet, I'll be sharing the finished products, though. Visit again around Friday and you'll see them then.

Project Progress

Well, I have three mock-ups complete, although I'm not sold on the third one. I haven't run it by my in-house art critic (my husband) or by my friend who is brainstorming with me. He has read the essays and is giving thoughtful critique to my illustrations. In fact, he inspired the third one. I'm also waiting on permissions for the focal image, so please, keep your fingers crossed with me. I'll have to buy the image, but I love it, so if I can use it, I'm happy to pay for it. I've written to iStock Customer Relations to see if their license covers what I want to do. I think it does, but I thought, "Better safe than sorry". Or is that, "It's easier to apologize than ask forgiveness"? If I don't hear from them in a timely fashion, I'm going to go ahead and use the image. I am also continuing to look for other sources of images I can use. If you know of an image with a similar feel or theme that I could easily garner publication rights to, let me know. Thanks!

Busy, busy, busy ...

My blog entries for the next several days will be short and sweet as I'm knee-deep in an art project for the 37days website. I'm entering a contest, where the winners will get to illustrate an upcoming book. It's all very exciting.

I've chosen to create four entries. My assigned essays are:

• Consider the flea


• Celebrate every orange flag


• Go see the tiny Ninjas


• Let go of the monkey bar

I've got mock-ups of the first two illustrations done; the last two have left me blank. This time last night, I didn't have a clue as to what I'd do for Consider the flea, so there's still hope that my Muse will visit me in the night with an idea. Or that my great friend, Jillian, or my darling husband, John, will brainstorm with me and help me come up with an idea. There's still hope that I'll meet the 5:00 PM, EST, 30 November, 2007 deadline!

Time Flies!

I can't believe so many days have past without me posting! Chalk it up to the craziness that was the Thanksgiving holiday. We didn't go out of town, so I don't have that as an excuse, but John and I hosted Thanksgiving for the first time yesterday and I just didn't have time for several days to do anything but prepare for it. You'd have thought we were having an army over, the way I cooked! But I was just doing my mother proud! I grew up in the South and we like to feed people, so feed people, I did. We had snacks before dinner, then a full menu, including turkey and most of the trimmings.

Good news, though, for those of you who are following along: I found my cell phone! It was in the back seat of my FIL's car, so it was never really lost; I just couldn't find it. He found it the next day and promptly returned it. I was happy again.

My Cell Phone *SOB*

I love my cell phone. Now, I'm not one of those people who is on her cell phone constantly, talking about nothing, but I love my cell phone none-the-less. I love the security that having it gives me and I love texting with my husband at odd hours when he's at work. In fact, I rarely actually talk on my cell phone at all, but I still love it.

Well, this evening, I lost it. It just vanished. I had it in my backpack and heard it *zing* for a text message and decided to answer it in a few minutes, as I about to get in the car. When I went to answer it, it was gone! I drove back to where I last heard it and looked all over the ground and it wasn't there. It was no where to be found. I've called it several times, thinking whoever found it would answer it, but so far, no luck. My husband even drove to where I lost it and looked around and he didn't see it either. I guess it's really gone.

I loved my cell phone.

Off To Bed, But First ...

Of the million medications I take, one of them has the side effect (for me, at least) of putting me in a near coma each night. I've already taken it for the evening, so thought I'd better post to the ol' blog before it kicks in. Judging from my typing -- which thankfully is correctable -- I'm a little too late.

There's nothing really going on to write about. I did errands all day, in preparation for Thanksgiving. I did more grocery shopping, some Wal-Mart shopping, and bought candles for the dinner table. I talked with the in-laws about what they can bring. All-in-all, in was a productive day.

Tomorrow is Art on State Street, an annual event put on by the Redlands Art Association. Part of State Street, where the gallery is located, is blocked off to traffic, and artists set up and display their wares for the day. This year there are approximately 40 artists participating. It promises to be a gorgeous event. I'm the Event Treasurer, so I'll be there all day. Luckily, I'm only really busy first thing in the morning and last thing in the afternoon, so I've plenty of time to look around.

Hope to see you there if you live in the area.

Holiday Progress

This evening John and I bought our holiday turkey: 13.39 pounds. This is the first holiday dinner that we are hosting. We are very excited. I noticed something at the grocery store that I thought was odd. Turkeys up to 17 pounds were $.65 a pound; turkeys 17 pounds and over were only $.48 a pound. That's sizism! Discrimination, I say!

I have most of the housework done. Tomorrow I'll work on the shopping and do a little bit around the house, but mostly things are in check. The only guests we are having are John's parents, but still, we want everything to be nice.