09 October 2007

Who Am I? -- Assignment From SuziBlu

The latest SuziBlu Assignment has us writing a letter to her, but stapling it in our journals, about who we are. A completely positive letter, by the way, no negatives allowed. Do you know how hard this is to do? First of all, I came to the realization that, in my 40s, I don't really know who I am. This is something that I've struggled with since my 20s. I'm a bunch of labels -- John's wife, bi-polar, a wannabe artist, an Aquarian, etc. -- but even if you understand all of those labels and how they apply to me, you still don't know who I am. Hell, I don't know who I am!

Here's a copy of the letter that I wrote for my assignment and have ready to staple into my new art journal:

Dear Suzi,

Thank you for asking who I am. I'm not sure I know, but I'll do my best to share what I think with you.

You already know me as the "Bi-Polar Princess". That's not a negative; that's just a fact of life for me. Sometimes up and sometimes down and sometimes an even keel. It's interesting, to say the least, to live in my shoes.

What do I do? I love my husband, first & foremost. We've been together for about 11 years, married for almost nine years. He's my best-friend, the person I most like to be with. He's also my biggest fan & greatest supporter. I'm a good wife. We have three delightful cats -- Frankie, B'Orange, and Nana -- and I'm a good "mommy" to them. They are my babies.

What else do I do? I write in my blog, sometimes about art, sometimes just about my life. I write fairly well, it's one of my talents. I don't know if anyone reads it regularly, but I blog for me. I enjoy writing and putting myself out there. I enjoy sharing myself.

When I'm able to, I love to sleep. I especially enjoy the sweet feeling of falling asleep. I don't always experience that feeling, but cherish it when I do. I enjoy dreaming. Lately, I've been dreaming about art more and more. I like those dreams.

I make art. Although I strive to make the best art I can, I don't really worry about quality. I do it because it makes my heart happy. I do the best I can, of course, but my main goal is to immerse myself in the process and have FUN playing with my materials. I look forward to your lessons, as right now I'm in a bit of a dry spell, idea-wise. Your lessons are like prompts that give me ideas. La la la, I'm making ART baby! It's scary, to make art, but you help me do it anyway. You are helping me make art in a new way. You are helping me find more JOY in it. I love to paint, even if it's just painting layer upon layer to create a groovy background. Even gesso-ing feels good and makes me happy.

What else do I do? I thank policemen, firemen, and especially soldiers-in-uniform for their service. I make friends with grocery store clerks. I'm shy, nervous & anxious, but on good days, I strike up conversations with strangers. My husband says that I can make a new best friend every where I go. For the most part I like people; they have interesting stories to tell.

My talents? I'm not sure. I've been told that I have the gift of gab, that I can talk to anyone about anything. I'm not sure that's true, but it's nice to think so. I'm a reasonably good cook, a good wife, a good friend. I'm articulate; I communicate well. I'm good with numbers and fairly good with logic. I have a good sense of humor and occasionally tell a good story.

One of my talents is loving my body -- it's something I'm learning to do. It has served me well even though I haven't always taken very good care of it. It's large & soft & squishy. My favorite parts are my breasts (even though they are kind of floppy), my toes, my hair, and my smile. Liking my smile is new, but then, my smile is new. Last month, I had extensive dental work done and now my smile is pretty again. Shy, but pretty.

Why am I lovable? I have no idea! If I knew that I probably wouldn't be in therapy! Seriously, I think I am lovable -- and you are lovable -- because we are children of the Universe. We deserve love simply because WE ARE.

My hopes and dreams are simple. I hope to live a good life: One that, when I come to the end of it, I can be satisfied. I dream of creating something -- visual or literary -- that touches someone. I hope my marriage thrives. I dream of being not just understood by another person, but *experienced* by another. I want to make art. To use your term, I want to live "juicy".

Thank you again for asking who I am. This was a good exercise for me to do. I'm looking forward to the next part of the assignment.

Love,
Cindy

1 comment:

Jillian said...

What a beautiful letter. I'm not brave enuf to share mine.